Beam Reach

Growth and never ending wonder…

It’s been an experience, being out here. Really getting started on what I know I’m made to do. I’ve changed, in big ways, and surprisingly, the changes have come softly, and with a quiet sublte persistance. I’ve wanted, for a long time, to have the focus and drive I needed to really propel myself. And I hoped for it, and made resolutions on new years and Rosh Hashanna, and new semesters and as I purchased my textbooks. And I never backed myself with anything more than good intentions, and I always fell short, and continued milling in my endless supply of distractions.

I can make endless excuses. Back home there was always someone leaning over my shoulders, pressing on the top edge of the blades and bending me with questions and pressure. I let them bend me to the point where I couldn’t function. And I let stress make me lazy and I put things aside for “a time when I could breathe again”. I allowed opprotunity to pass half appeased. In the end, though, it comes down to me, and I let myself down again and again.

Coming out here I wrote “I know I must exceed my highest expectations”. Those expectations were what I’d been hoping to become for years. And I had minimal faith that I’d finally break through into that person I knew I could be. And I’m not there yet, but I am working steadily.

These days I work at My pace, and it works for me. I divide my time as I see fit and stress and pressure no longer more than the bare necessity role needed for deadlines. These days I pay mind to distraction, but not in excess. I’ve reached the point where I read research papers and journals over and over because I can question them, and weave them into what I plan to answer. I see spectrograms in the cirrus clouds and hear whales in birdsongs and rainfall and wonder how else to interpret them.

I’ve been told more than once that I’m chasing “the holy grail” in regard to what I want to research. And that only makes me want it more. And this time, I’m more than hoping; I’m proving to myself that I can achieve it.

And ironically enough (though 2 days late)… Happy Rosh Hashanna. L’Shanna Tova.

—–

Weeks 4 & 5

The hydrophone array (or what we call the Sea Snake) I am using for my project kept breaking, the software Ishmael I use to analyze the recording wasn’t working, my computers hard drive broke, and the propulsion system on the boat was on the fritz. That’s what happened for our first 2 weeks at sea. Everyone handled it well (especially Mike our relief captain who had to deal with lots of things going wrong). What I have to say to that is oh well! Being out on the boat was amazing! We finally got to see the whales (the reason we are out here) up close and personal, actually try the methods we have been figuring out since we got here, got to interact with more visiting researchers, learned the basics of how to sail and living on a boat (cleaning, cooking, passage planning, maintenance etc.), get to be a part of pioneering and promoting a quieter more environmentally friendly way to sail/motor, and nothing beats being out on the water. So yes, lots of things went wrong, but that’s life and that’s what happens in science.

—–